Wednesday, August 10, 2011

Fun, Sexy Things To Do Together


Affectionate couple enjoying a sunny day laying in the grass.


“Variety is the spice of life” – William Cowper

While we’re on the subject of intimate trust, let’s take a look at some fun and sexy things that you can do with your partner to help heighten the romance in your intimate lives.

A quick word of caution, though, before we begin; trying to fix the problems in your intimate life by focusing purely on external ‘solutions’ is like trying to look thinner by sucking in your belly. It’s a superficial fix.

Unfortunately, if you ask most couples what they think they can do to make their relationships more romantic in the next two weeks, guess what they will say? They will talk about all the external things they can do to make their relationship more romantic. They will give examples such as a candle-light dinner, soft music, a lovely drive in the country, a picnic in the summer, and so on. But none of these things will work by themselves; in fact, they will be a big disappointment if the fundamental parts of the relationship - such as love maps, intimate trust, and fondness and admiration for your partner - are not in place.

Fact: None of these external ways of building romance will work if the basic parts of the couple’s friendship aren’t working.

To illustrate this point, imagine a suggestion for building romance between two heterosexuals. Say that a man decides to send his woman a rose a day for twelve days. Will this add more romance to the relationship? It depends on how he treats her at other times.  Let’s take a look at how he behaves in three scenarios:

Scenario 1. She comes to a party late, and she finds her man engrossed in conversation with another person. He senses her presence, his face brightens, he eagerly gets up, comes over to her, kisses her, and then introduces her to the person he is talking to.

Scenario 2. She comes to a party late, and she finds her man engrossed in conversation with another person. He senses her presence, he looks up and gives her an “eyebrow flash” greeting (a brief raise of both eyebrows) and then continues eagerly talking to the person he is talking to.

Scenario 3. She comes to a party late, and she finds her man engrossed in conversation with another person. He senses her presence, his face darkens and he frowns as he continues eagerly talking to the person he is talking to.

In which scenario do you think the rose a day for twelve days is going to do anything? Right, only in scenario #1, where it is a fulfillment of the friendship already built in the relationship.  Read through our posts on friendship, intimate trust, and sex love maps for advice on how to foster the internal components of your relationship.

10 Fun, Sexy Things To Do Together

Doing fun and sexy things together can be as simple as having a pillow fight, sitting in the back of the movie theater and making out like you are teenagers again, or taking turns giving each other a massage with scented oils. Or it can be as intricate as dressing up and salsa dancing at home, getting some champagne and going on a hot-air balloon ride, or leaving town for an overnight romantic get away.

Pick one of the items from our list – whatever tickles your fancy – and try it out sometime in the next few days:

1) At the end of the day greet each other warmly and have a kiss that lasts at least six seconds.

2) Catch your partner doing something right and convey your appreciation or admiration.

3) Download or Rent an X-rated video and watch it together.

4) Give each other a foot massage.

5) Try a new sexual position and talk about how you liked it.

6) Help your partner masturbate to orgasm while you watch.

7) Buy or make your partner a CD of your favorite romantic music and listen to it together.

8) Read an erotic book out loud together.

9) Go for a romantic overnight, just the two of you.

10) Send your partner a love letter or poem.

Or even better, share some of your own ideas below in the comments section for others to enjoy!

Have an affectionate week,
©The Gottman Institute

1 comment:

  1. My fiance was always asking me to take a bath with him but I was too shy and insecure of extra chubbiness, etc. FInally the other night, after a great dinner at home and some wine, he suggested it and I agreed. As they say, it lead to dancing... and a hot session in the shower. If you just give in to how everything feels and relax, you forget that you aren't sucking in your tummy and really begin to focus on the connection between the two of you. Trying something new also helped spice things up!

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