Monday, August 1, 2011

Sex Love Maps

Over ONE THOUSAND page views for the weekend! Not too bad.

Thanks for reading and welcome to the Gottman Institute’s Sex Blog or G-spot’ as it is affectionately referred to around our office. As always, visit us at for more information on who we are and how we teach couples research-based, practical skills to have incredible relationships both inside and outside the bedroom.

We hope that you had a chance this weekend to look over our ‘Sex as a Conversation’ post and spend some time practicing talking with your partner about sex; as you know we’re pretty big on the idea of open and effective communication. Make sure to read it, recommend it to anyone that you think should see it, and most importantly practice what is being said.

On the Subject of Practice

To better assist you in this endeavor, we decided to put together an extended version of our Sexuality Questions Exercise for you to try, one that features more examples of the types of questions you should be asking one another when talking about sex.

The primary goal in designing the following exercise was to allow you to more fully develop a “Sex Love Map” of each other’s inner sexual and sensual world. Ultimately this information is going to help you progress through the different levels of intimate talk and put your sex life on track for success. All these questions are straight out of our upcoming Gottman Sex Kit, which is being released in September.

Remember to use these questions like you would training wheels, that is try them out to begin your dialogue and then when you feel comfortable, leave them behind and ask questions of your own choosing. Constantly be thinking to yourself, ‘What is it that I want to know? What do I want my partner to know about me?’

This exercise is going to take you a while so be prepared to set aside some time this week to ask each other these questions. Check back frequently as we will be adding new questions to each of the following categories as the days go on;

Sexuality Questions To Ask A Woman

About Orgasm

-Is it important to you to have an orgasm when we have sex?

About Masturbation

- In research many women say that they physically enjoy masturbation but not psychologically. How do you feel?

About Libido

- Many women say that they have lower sex drive than their partner. Is that true for you? If so, is that a problem?

About Feelings & Intimacy

- Many women say that their sexual experience is dependent on feelings. Is that true for you? What do you need from me in the area of feelings?

About Oral Sex

- Do you like oral sex with me but have some negative feelings about it?

Sexuality Questions To Ask A Man

About Orgasm

- Is it important to you to have an orgasm whenever we become erotic with one another?

About Masturbation

- Do you think that masturbating helps you have better sex with me?

About Libido

- Do you ever want to have sex with me of any kind and feel I turn you down or reject you?

About Sex

- Many men say that they aren’t asked by their partner what they would like sexually when sexual contact of any kind begins. Do you feel that way?

About Fantasies

- What sexual fantasies do you enjoy? Can you share them with me?

Try to memorize the answers to these questions and get to know your partner, it could be important!

All for now,
©The Gottman Institute


  1. "In research many women say that they physically enjoy masturbation but not psychologically."

    Would you happen to have a reference for this? I'm interested in reading more about this.

  2. The Hite Report on female sexuality. Shere Hite. - KR, TGI staff

  3. This blog has been very helpful.

    Do you have any advice for couples where one partner has an inherently impersonal fantasy / paraphilia?

  4. I'm wondering why a woman would not be questioned about her fantasies she enjoys but a man would?


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