Friday, October 14, 2011

Ecstasy in Lovemaking


video
KUOW Interview Part 2

        So, what's getting in the way when there are couples who've been in a committed relationship for a long time and their sex life is not good? Well, there are a number of things that are getting in the way.  One is that they are afraid to talk about sex.  They are afraid to talk about lust, they are afraid to talk about each other's bodies.  They are also afraid to talk about what sensations they like. 

        They are afraid to talk in part because they worry that their partner may take their desire for conversation as personal criticism, “Oh my God, you mean I’m not a good lover??” which isn't at all what's being conveyed.  What's trying to be said is no, you are a wonderful lover and I want to tell you more about me.  It's not about you; it's about me and my internal world.  What I like, what kinds of touch I love, what kinds of sensation I love, what parts of my body are sensitive.

        When there is no communication about what your partner appreciates, loves, senses, prefers or needs, then it's groping in the dark – it’s guess work.  And, unfortunately we are not the best at guessing.  So, we are going to make mistakes, and those mistakes overtime are going to be compounded. One partner may really shy away from having sex and may feel repelled by it because it's clear that they doesn't understand what the other wants and what they need. 

        This in turn creates rejection because “no” is being said more often, and when a partner is rejected they are going to initiate sex less often, and then you end up with some of the couples who we have seen that haven't made love in a dozen years or more! That's real pain, and it takes a long time to come back from. So talk to your partner. Talk to them this this weekend and get real with your relationship.

Here’s how you do that:



Sex Questions App Giveaway - Round Two!




        For those of you who missed their chance to redeem a copy of our Sex Question App in the iTunes store, here are another 20 free Apps codes for download! Make sure to act quickly since last time they went fast.

        To download your free app, go to the iTunes Store main page. Look under “Quick Links” (found in the upper right corner) and choose the first option, “Redeem”. 
On the "Redeem Code" page enter one of the App codes provided.
 From there, download the App 
and then sink it to your device.

New Sex Questions to Ask Men Redeem Codes:

6XN9RJTTKRJ6
REYM793F7M4M
7YJWWKJRJKWT
R9MKW3HPLRA3
HME9AHR6KMAY
LHYRJYJMAEMA
AFP3L69PRYPR
WRJFHXAJEX7F
34EHRWEMNTJ7
PMKNHA94WPJX

New Sex Questions to Ask Women Redeem Codes:

J6K7XN76A66K
Y3ALE339JTYX
MRXEJJKNWH4E
9FNJ49WMH4AF
J9WE6YRKNFXM
AM6WTPNHP9R7
MPMPRF769JYM
EY4ELT3YJER3
HRWT9W7MPNAM
HA74RENR9AP3


        Again, each of these codes can be redeemed only once so if a code doesn’t work that means it has already been used.

        Try talking over some of the questions featured in these apps with your partner this weekend. Remember that getting to know your partner sexually is like learning how to give a good back rub. At first, you might give a back rub like you want to receive one, but as you get to know your partner's preferences over time, you start massaging them in a way that is pleasurable to them. See if you can apply this concept to sex this weekend.


        When you love a lover – that is, when you love somebody that you really know, that you understand, and have a vision of what their inner world is like, then you are able to give them something that is fine-tuned to their own intimate desires. This process does take some time, and remembering the answers that they give is as important as asking the questions, but when you merge your knowledge of your partner together with the sex, then you have the potential for ecstasy in lovemaking.

Enjoy!
The Gottman Institute

1 comment:

  1. I've always believed that the secret to a very sexy and exciting sex life is communication. Thanks for the post! :)

    ReplyDelete

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