Friday, November 4, 2011

Love Maps 20 Questions Game


       Happy Friday! It’s been a hectic week here at the Gottman Institute with the official release of the Gott Sex Series on Monday. We are currently in Vancouver BC doing a marriage therapy workshop for clinicians, and are so happy with all the positive feedback that we keep receiving for Gott Sex. Keep it coming! If you are finding our blog beneficial in your relationship, please share it with other couples. 

        We have talked a lot this week about building love maps of your partner’s inner most sexual world. Even if you feel like you know your partner very well on a intimate level, there may be things about them that will still surprise you. Remember how exciting the conversations were when you first met and you were getting to know each other? You might have even played the game“20 questions” with your partner. This weekend, we want you to play 20 questions – the Gottman way. The goal here is to bring excitement back into your lovelife by initiating conversation about topics you may not otherwise usually address. For example, do you know your partner’s favorite outfit to wear when they feel like looking sexy? 

        Play this game together in the spirit of laughter and gentle fun. The more you play, the more you’ll learn about sensual love maps and how they apply to your own relationship. 

Step 1: Each of you take a piece of paper and pen or pencil. Together, randomly decide on 10 numbers between 1 and 30. Write the numbers down in a column on the left-hand side of your paper.

Step 2: Below is a list of numbered questions. Beginning with the top of your column, match the numbers you chose with the corresponding questions. Next, each of you ask your partner their questions taking turns alternating who is asking the questions.



        If your partner answers correctly (you be the judge), he or she receives the number of points indicated for that question, and you receive one point. If you partner answers incorrectly, neither of you receives any points. The same rules apply when you answer. The winner is the person with the higher score after you’ve both answered all your questions. However, you’re both winners because by getting to know each other on a more intimate level, you will subsequently increase the passion and intimacy in your relationship. Remember: having great sex all starts will having great conversations.

1. Name two of my closest friends. (2)

2. What was I wearing when we first met? (2)

3. Where was I born? (1)

4. When is my birthday? (1)

5. Who is my favorite relative? (2)

6. What is my fondest unrealized dream? (4)

7. What if my favorite time of day for lovemaking? (3)

8. What was one of my best childhood experiences? (2)

9. What do I like most to do with my time off? (2)

10. What is my favorite movie? (2)

11. What do I fear most? (4)

12. Which side of the bed do I prefer? (2)

13. What medical problems do I worry about most? (2)

14. What is my favorite romantic restaurant? (2)

15. Name one of my favorite novels. (2)

16. Name two of the people I admire most. (4)

17. What is my favorite sex position? (3)

18. What spot on my body is most sensitive? (4)

19. What was my most embarrassing moment? (3)

20. What is my favorite outfit to wear when I want to look sexy? (3)

21. Do I prefer flowers or candy? (2)

22. What is my favorite holiday? (2)

23. What physical quality am I most attracted to in the opposite sex? (3)

24. When was the first time I had sex? (2)

25. How many kids do I want to have? (3)

26. What is the date of our anniversary? (1)

27. What did I think about you when we first met? (4)

28. When did we have our first kiss? (1)

29. What is my favorite getaway place? (3)

30. What is my favorite way to spend an evening? (3)

        Play this game as your homework assignment for the weekend. As always, we encourage you to make up questions of your own. The more you play, the more you’ll come to understand the concept of a love map and the kind of information that you should know about your partner.

Have a great weekend!

The Gottman Institute 

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