Monday, October 31, 2011

Gott Sex Series Launch!

Doctors John and Julie Gottman announcing the new Gott Sex Series.
        We are pleased to announce the official launch of the Gott Sex? Series! The Gott Sex? Series is a web based video program designed to help couples like you learn the skills necessary to have and maintain great sex lives, all from the privacy of your own home. It differs from other sex programs you may have seen because, like everything we do here at The Gottman Institute, it is entirely research based.

        Whether things are going great between you and your partner, or you have stopped having sex altogether, this series will help make sex more passionate and personal for both of you. 

        The Gott Sex? Series is primarily video-based and consists of nine modules, each with its own downloadable exercises designed to get couples to start communicating about sex in an open and effective way. However, it does much more than that. To be as comprehensive as possible, we have included a huge amount of additional content, resources, interviews with real couples, and extras to help you get your sex life exactly where it needs to go. 
Doctor Julie Gottman speaking to a couple at the Gott Sex Series Launch.

        Lots of sex education sites are all about the mechanics - lick here, touch there, try this new contorted position, add some whipped cream... And those are fine. But few (if any) of these sites teach you how to make sex deeply meaningful and intimate. And once you've had personal and deeply loving sex, you'll agree that intimate sex is definitely more fulfilling in every way. 

        To get what we mean when we say good loving sex, think about the difference between personal, loving sex and pornography. When people hear "pornography," they think of internet sites, videos or magazines. But "pornography" is also very common in people's sexual relationships, because at its core, pornography is about only getting off for yourself, and using your partner's body parts to both titillate you and bring you to orgasm. It has almost nothing to do with your partner's pleasure, needs, or feelings. There's no cherishing of each other. It's genital to genital release - and that's about it. There's no building of emotional connection and closeness. 

        On the other hand, even though physical release may be involved, loving sex is a cherishing of each other's minds, hearts and bodies - the whole person that is our partner.

        Couples who have loving sex treasure each other as irreplaceable, like the finest wine. They think of each other as "my beloved," not "the hot body I get to have tonight." They long to touch their partner not just to get off, but as a way to express the pure delight, warmth and awe that is the music of lovemaking. 

        In long-term and lasting relationships where couples enjoy intimate sex, they make love a lot over the years. But rather than getting bored, the lovemaking keeps getting better and better, because these couples communicate about their needs, their fantasies, and their feelings as those evolve over time. It's that ability to communicate about sex that we want to give you here: the tools to know your partner's wants, needs, special preferences, vulnerabilities, and delights, so you, too, can share in loving sex, and not just mess around with body parts. Loving sex leaves you close and fulfilled, not empty and alone. 
Doctors John and Julie Gottman speaking to a couple at the Gott Sex Series Launch.

        If you have been enjoying following us at the Gottman Sex Blog, you will love what this series has to offer! Be sure to head over to the Gott Sex? Series Official Website and take a look around. If you have any questions about the interface, please do not hesitate to ask. Contact information can be found on the website under the “Contact Us” tab. Overall remember this: every positive thing you do in your relationship is foreplay. No matter where you're starting from, you too have the potential to create loving and beautiful sex with your partner. So enjoy!

The Gottman Institute

Tuesday, October 25, 2011

Turning Towards

A hand stacking bricks, representing building a great relationship.
Great relationships and the great sex that accompanies them aren’t just created overnight; they are built, brick by brick. One of the things that, over time, really leads to true satisfaction with your sex life is the accumulation of small positive moments between you and your partner on a day-to-day basis.

Anybody who is in a committed relationship that is going well knows that it’s the little things that really make a big impact. Things like simply smiling, giving compliments, or thanking your partner for cooking dinner and then helping them do the dishes after. All these deepen the love between you two. And believe it or not, all these things are directly related to having good sex.

Some people think that they can just put in a lot of effort all at once to make things spicier. Unfortunately it doesn’t work like this. Satisfaction doesn’t come from not making much of an effort for 50 weeks out of the year, and then going on a blissful vacation with your partner for the other two.

That said, we want you to have great sex, and we believe that having the quality sex that you deserve is possible no matter what the current state of your relationship is like. How to have great sex, how to build up those positive emotions that fill up the emotional bank account, all starts with turning towards your partner.

Turning towards

What does this mean and why is it relevant to your sex life? Before we get into The Top Seven Sex Ideas for this week, let’s take a minute to explain one of the of core principals behind our Gottman method.

Turning towards means actively turning to your partner and replying to their small little bids for emotional connection that they make throughout the day.

This means being interested in what they are saying or doing and following up by responding to them in a way that enhances. Not just grunting in affirmation while you are watching TV and they are telling you about your day.

          How exactly does turning towards work?

This example paraphrased from The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work explains it pretty clearly:

Legs and feet romantically intertwined.

Maybe you both decide to go on a walk down by the water along the boardwalk on a beautiful autumn day. You are both holding hands, taking in the scenery, and all of a sudden your partner turns to you and says, “Wow honey, look at that boat there in the harbor”. You turn and look at the boat. It is indeed a spectacular craft - an old wooden schooner with bright white sails.

Now at this important junction in the conversation you could easily say “Huh,” or “Nice” or “Pretty” or just nod approvingly. Or you could turn towards your partner and respond with something that engages them and show interest in what they have said, “That sail reminds me of the sail on that boat that we went on last summer. Do you remember that? That was such a day beautiful day!” and you’re off… A conversation grows and from there.

This what we mean when we say turning towards your partner’s bids for emotional connection. But why is this an important thing to do?

Well, what is really going on when your partner makes a comment like, “look at that boat” is that they are trying to connect emotionally with you. Really, it’s not even about the boat at all. By saying something like this, your partner is looking for attention and trying to make an emotional connection with you. You can either embrace this and return their affection with some of your own, or just let their comment slip by and die out. Which one do you think will enhance your emotional connection?

This week we want you to really work on noticing when your partner makes bids to connect and apply this simple action of turning towards. At its heart, this is all about just being nice to your partner. All anyone really wants is a little love, attention, and affection. Can you make an effort to be a good partner and give them with some this week? Give it a try. And while you’re at it check out our Top 7 Sex Ideas for spicy sex for this week. Feel free to try one of them or try them all. Enjoy!

An old ship sailing in the ocean.

Monday - Thoroughly explore the art of kissing.
Tuesday - Take a hot bath together and see where it goes…
Wednesday - Wear an outfit that your partner thinks looks good on you and go out to dinner. Then come home and make love.
Thursday – Decide to have sex in a totally new place.
Friday – Talk about what you don’t want in sex, and then talk about what you do want. Make sure to say what you don’t want in a gentle way so your partner doesn’t feel rejected.
Saturday – Make a plan with your partner for who is going to initiate sex next time you two make love. Then surprise your partner when the time comes.
Sunday – Try talking during sex.

The Gottman Institute

Friday, October 21, 2011

Emotional Connection Pop Quiz

         How confident are you that you really know your partner? As we have learned this week, how well you know your partner is a HUGE indicator of the overall satisfaction that you will experience in your personal sex life. Give this week's homework assignment a try to find out!

The Gottman Emotional Connection Pop Quiz
Woman held in her lover's arms, kissing on a snowy mountain.
You think you know your partner, huh?

          This week we learned all about the necessity of emotionally connecting with your partner in order to have great sex. It's now time to put your expert knowledge about your partner to the test by answering the following 10 questions. However there is a catch>

           We want you to try and answer these questions in the way that you think your partner would respond to them. This means drawing  on intimate knowledge of your partner's life, knowledge that you hopefully enhanced over the last week.

           As we said yesterday, it’s important to remember that relationships are continually changing. Not only do you have to initially develop love maps of your partner's inner world, but you have to constantly update them as well, and unlike Twinkies these do expire. Although you may not realize it now, this is one of the core foundations for having great sex.

         You want to improve the sex in your relationship? See if you really understand how your partner's inner world by answering the following 10 questions.  Can you answer all 10?   Good luck! 
  1. What is my favorite part of my body? 
  2. What is my favorite sex position, and why?
  3. What is my idea of the perfect day with you?
  4. If I could change one thing about myself, what would it be?
  5.  If I could sit down and have dinner with one person from history, who would it be?
  6. Who is my closest friend (besides you)?
  7. What is my biggest turn on?
  8. What is my greatest fear right now?
  9. How do I see this relationship growing in the next five years?
  10. What do I need from you most in our relationship right now? 

           When you have finished going over this list and coming up with your answers, share them with your partner to see if you got them right. Have your partner do the same for you. 7 out of 10 is pretty good, but any less means that it's back to the drawing board to go over the ideas presented in this week's posts again.

Have a great weekend!
The Gottman Institute

Thursday, October 20, 2011

Emotional Connection - An Interview With John & Julie Gottman

Couple on an adventure looking at a map with the ocean in the background.

        Before giving out tomorrow's homework assignment for the weekend, we want to take an opportunity to summarize some thoughts on this week’s theme of emotional connection. The best way we could think of doing this was to talk with the Gottmans directly. Earlier we sat down with John and Julie and asked them to elaborate on the topics of creating love maps, improving emotional connection, and creating a blueprint for talking about sex. Check it out:

        Us: You talk a lot in your research about creating a love map of your partner’s sexual likes and desires. What exactly do you mean by creating a love map

        John: What we mean by creating a love map is making a kind of roadmap of your partner's inner sensual world, so that you are aware of what's going on psychologically inside your partner. This means asking your partner all kinds of question about themselves. In order to build a love map you must be genuinely curious and ask a lot of questions about your partner's past. If you've built a really strong love map of your partner, then you know what's stressing your partner out; you know some of your partner's goals, values, aspirations, and dreams; the main players in your partner's life, people who are really good friends and potential friends; people who are sources of irritation, enemies; and finally you know a lot about what's going on in general in their personal life – that's a love map. And you have to keep updating it as you go along. 

        Julie: A love map is also about things that may seem trivial but  actually aren't. For example, can you answer what your partner's most embarrassing moment in childhood is? That's an interesting one, or what your partner's favorite tree is, or what's your partner's favorite color? Questions like these are questions whose answers may evolve and change overtime as you and your partner move through life together.

        John: (Turning to Julie) What's your favorite color, dear?

        Julie: This year it's kind of deep forest green. 

        John: Oh!

        Julie: But, last year it was coral.

        John: It changes. 

        Julie: It keeps changing, right. So, it's really important as John was saying to update love maps, and what that means is to keep asking questions, keep showing interest in who your partner is by asking both simple questions and open-ended questions like, "What do you imagine that a perfect day would look like to you?"

        Us: That makes sense. On a slightly different note, the importance of communication in establishing and maintaining a healthy sex life is well documented. That being said, you also talk a lot about creating a blueprint for talking about sex. Can you elaborate on what you mean by that? What do you suggest that couples who currently don't talk about sex do to create such a blueprint? 

        John: What we mean by a blueprint for talking about sex is really creating a way of talking about sex that makes it emotionally easy. We want you to begin by talking about what has worked well in the past, what has been successful, times you remember where you felt really close and where sex really worked, and how all of that played out. Then once you have broken this ground, you can build up to talking about something that might be a little harder to talk about, such as something that's not working for you and what you need to do to improve that.

        When you are talking about sex and you're learning what it is that your partner likes, or wants to experiment with, or what really turns them on, your conversation can even turn to the areas of sexual fantasy. Usually talking about sexual fantasies with your partner might feel risky or too personal, but creating a blueprint gives you a natural feeling way to transition into talking about this stuff.
 In fact, it's important to talk about fantasies, since maybe you are fantasizing about or imagining your partner when you masturbate, and you want to share it with them and have it be something you do together but don't quite know how to say it. It takes a lot of trust to be able to share those kinds of personal feelings with another person. With a blueprint, like the one featured in our upcoming Gott Sex series, you really are building a base of trust in your relationship. 

        Julie: Right. When we talk about a blueprint for talking about sex, what we are talking about is what are the steps during the conversation, what's the process of how you talk about sex that makes it the most likely that you are going to have a good conversation? Listen to the difference between these two conversations. Hey... so we need to talk. You know, I really don't like sex with you, it just that, I don't know, it turns me off; it really doesn't feel good... Or listen to this approach, hey honey, can we talk about our lovemaking because there is so much that I really, really love about it; it just feels so sweet to me, and I am thinking about ways that we can even make it better.  Which conversation would you like to be a part of? 

        A blueprint describes not only the very beginning of a conversation, that is, talking about how to bring up the subject of talking about sex, but also, creating a blueprint together gives you a chance to say what would be the type of conversation you would like to have while you are talking about sex that would be a conversation you would cherish, a conversation that would feel really calm, gentle, tender, and open. A conversation that would help you open up to each other as opposed to a conversation that would make you really shutdown, wall off, and end yourself. Those are very, very different kinds of conversations. Really figuring out a ritual meaning, a method that's predictable that you can count on the results of, that's the blueprint for how to talk about sex that we are going to help you with in Gott Sex. Talk about how to talk about it.

All for now,
Gottman Institute 

Wednesday, October 19, 2011

Intimate Conversation - The Three Skills

Young couple intimately embracing standing in front of flowers blooming on a tree.

        Yesterday we talked about creating a blueprint of your partner’s sexual likes and preferences. Continuing with this week's theme of emotional connection, we want to build off of yesterday's post and expand on the importance of intimate conversation. 

         Before jumping right into talking about sex, you first need to make sure that you are able to talk openly with your partner in general. By “talking”, we don't mean simply asking your partner about how their day went or what they had for lunch. We mean connecting on an intimate level and asking specific, targeted questions to get an idea of how they really feel, deep down inside. This means asking your partner open ended questions like "Hey babe, how do you feel about your new job?" or, "What was that experience like for you, tell me more?".  The kind of questions that do not have a yes or no answer.

         Unfortunately, this art of intimate conversation is becoming increasingly absent in today’s society. More and more, you see people trying to connect with others by being interesting, when what they really should be trying to do is be interested. Try and be more interested in your partner this week. Actively listen to them and ask them probing questions about their life. When they give answers, ask them to explain further so that you can really put yourself in their shoes. Having intimate conversations, not just about sex, but about anything at all, is all about expressing empathy and understanding for the other person.

         The thing that most people don’t realize is that intimate conversation with your partner is actually one of the foundations of Uh-mazing sex. Great sex needs to be built from the ground up. An entire module of the upcoming Gott Sex? Series is completely dedicated to the 3 skills of intimate conversation. To give you an idea of what we are talking about, here is an exclusive preview. Use these three skills to have an intimate conversation tonight with your partner about anything you like:

Young couple intimately looking into each other's eyes.
How are you feeling baby?
Skill 1: Put Into Words What You Are Feeling 

Start off the conversation (either you or your partner) by really focusing to see if you can pinpoint the exact feeling that you are experiencing. See if you can put that feeling into words for your partner to understand. Some examples of this might include:

·      I feel appreciated
·      I don’t feel accepted
·      I feel like I am not asserting myself
·      I feel like you don’t believe in me
·      I feel beautiful
·      I don’t feel desired...

Skill 2: Ask Targeted Questions to Deepen Intimate Conversation

          This is your opportunity to enhance the conversation by following up on what your partner has said about their feelings. You might say things like:

·      Do you think this has affected our relationship (or another relationship). If so, how?
·      Do these feelings and needs have any spiritual, moral, ethical, or religious meaning for you?
·      How are you thinking about how all of this fits into your life as a whole?
·      Think of someone you really admire. What would he or she do and how would he or she view this situation?
·      Pretend that you only had only six more months to live. What would be most important to you then?

Skill 3: Express Empathy and Understanding to Engage Your Partner
        Your feelings have been articulated and your specific thoughts and ideas have been expressed. At this point in the conversation, take the opportunity to increase your emotional connection with one another by empathizing with your partner. Really try to mean what you say here, and make sure that it comes from a genuine place. Expressing heartfelt empathy might look like:

·      I wish I could have been with you in that moment.
·      Let me try to paraphrase and summarize what you’re saying. You’re saying….
·      I’d feel the same way you do in your situation.
·      I wish I had known earlier that you were feeling that way.
· I get it, I really understand why you feel that way. I would too!

        As you can see, these example statements and questions are intended to jumpstart conversation and then take it to a higher level.

         The hardest part about having an intimate conversation is often just starting it. You’ll be surprised however, at how easy opening up becomes once you break down the initial barrier. Give it a try. And again, if you don’t feel comfortable answering questions out loud, there is no shame in writing your answers down and exchanging them with your partner. Communicating, even in the smallest form, goes a long way in making sex more passionate and more romantic.

Thanks for reading,
The Gottman Institute 

Tuesday, October 18, 2011

Talking About Sex - A Blueprint

            In over 35 years of research at the Gottman Institute, we have found overwhelming evidence that talking about sex is directly correlated to the overall happiness in a couples’ relationship – both how often as well as the quality of the conversation, particularly for women. 

          We discovered a sexual satisfaction rate of only 9% for women who are unable to talk to their partner openly about sex. These same women were also less satisfied with their relationship in general. In comparison, over 50% of women who said that they felt comfortable openly discussing their sexual feelings with their husbands reported that they were satisfied sexually and satisfied in general with their relationship. 

          The power of communication is huge. If you are sexually frustrated in your relationship and feel like you are unable to communicate with your partner about your needs, it’s not too late! We have created an exercise in The Gott Sex? Series that helps you create a blueprint for talking about sex in your relationship by asking your partner specific, targeted questions about their sexual preferences to make a Sex Love Map of their most erotic fantasies and desires.

          One of our favorite examples for illustrating the importance of building strong emotional connection through intimate conversation is a story Dr. Gottman tells about the male porcupine. 

Image of porcupine with quills aggressively postured.
        When Masters and Johnson’s books came out in the early 1970s, Dr. Gottman was an assistant professor at Indiana University, home of the famous Kinsey Institute. Having been raised in the 1950s, he and many other young couples’ therapists were uncomfortable talking to couples about their sex lives. To desensitize his students, one of Dr. Gottman’s psychology professors showed films that the Kinsey Institute had available of virtually every animal on the planet having sex. They saw mice, elephants, giraffes, and even zebras having sex. However, no animal left a more lasting impression on Dr. Gottman than the porcupine. 

          Sex for the male porcupine is no simple task: if he attempts to mount the female while her quills are up, he will seriously injure himself. In the video of the porcupines having sex that Dr. Gottman saw, the male porcupine sat down in front of the female and put his paws on either side of her face and began to gently stroke her cheeks. 

         The female seemed interested in this and closed her eyes and allowed him to caress her face. After a long while, the male shifted around behind her and checked on her quills to see if they were still up. After inspecting them he saw that they were, so he came back and continued to patiently stroke her face. After a long time, once he had fully engaged his partner emotionally, he walked around and mounted a very relaxed and willing female in what appeared to be satisfying sex for both partners.

            While we are not suggesting that you rub your partners face for hours in order to have more satisfying sex, what we are suggesting is that you communicate with your partner openly about sex to find out exactly what they want. So what exactly does a blueprint for talking about sex look like? To get you started, here are some example questions that you can ask your partner about what felt good last time you made love and what you each would like to see changed in the future. 

What Felt Good Last Time?
  1. What made you feel relaxed?
  2. What did you feel about our non-sexual affection, touching, caressing, kissing, or massage?
  3. What were some things we did that really turned you on erotically?
  4. What made you feel most connected to me?

What Would You Like to See Changed?

  1. What do you need to put you in the mood?
  2.   If you are a 5 (“I’m convincible”) on our amorous scale and I am a 9 (very horny), what do you most need from me?
  3. What helps you focus on your body?
  4. What makes sex more like intimate love making to you?
        If you don’t feel comfortable openly talking about it at first, we suggest writing down your answers on paper and exchanging them with your partner. We want you to think of creating a blueprint for talking about sex as an investment in the longevity and overall happiness of not only your sex life, but your overall relationship with your partner.

The Gottman Institute

Monday, October 17, 2011

How to Make Sex Better This Week - The Top 7 ideas

        Welcome back to the G-Spot Blog! Hopefully you made some good headway this weekend on the getting to know your partner assignment. Before we get to the top seven spicy sex ideas for this week, a quick word of advice.

        While we love giving you ideas for making sex hot and exciting, unfortunately none of our suggestions will help to make your experience better overall if you don’t first make an effort to connect emotionally with your partner.

        Yes, sex in some of our new fun ways might seem pretty great while you’re in the heat of the moment, but all the pleasure will end when you climax. And when the initial excitement fades, then it’s usually back to square one again with you asking yourself, “How can I make my sex life better? What else can we do?” Aren’t you tired of worrying about the answer to that question? Well, maybe it’s the question that’s wrong.

        For couples in committed relationships, sex shouldn’t just be a purely physical act; connecting emotionally must be a part of connecting physically. Why? Because if sex is only a physical experience, then sex is shallow. You are just using your partner for pleasure and stimulation of the body without stimulation of the mind. Essentially, it’s the same as masturbation. With impersonal sex, there is nothing to keep you two connected in a loving way.

        Emotional connection means cherishing your partner - verbally, physically, mentally, in all kinds of ways, even when you are not with them. By cherishing your partner we mean thinking fondly about this person that you really care about and thinking about the wonderful qualities they possess.

        Someone who has a great emotional connection with their partner is thinking thoughts all the time like, “ I am so lucky that I have my partner in my life, it really makes my life special and wonderful and I don't know what I would do without them.” They are really appreciating their partner. This is something that only grows over time. Through good and through bad, the longer you are with your partner the more you should be able to cherish them.

        If your relationship is truly a strong one, then even when you are alone you will find yourself thinking fond thoughts about her hair and her eyes, or thinking about how appreciative you are that he makes your home beautiful and comfortable for you, so when you’re there you can enjoy it. This is where we want you to be mentally before you try to improve sex using new positions or fun, sexy ideas.

        Sex is the ultimate intimacy: the combination of two people loving one another, connecting with one another, touching one another, and sharing ecstasy together through the combination of love and touch. Cherish your partner, know their likes and dislikes, think positive thoughts about them and nourish the fantasy or reality that they are special and unique. Make an effort to connect emotionally this week as you try some of our ideas to jumpstart your sex life, and you will feel something new come alive inside you both as the cold of autumn rolls in. Try one or try them all:

Sex Revival Recipe ideas for the week of 10/17/11:

Monday - Role-play a fairy tale, only make it have a sexual ending.

Tuesday - Reinvent your honeymoon/ favorite vacation together in the house – for instance: for Hawaii, bring in leis, Hawaiian music, etc. as a set for making love.

Wednesday - Pretend you’re two different animals, like panthers, and make love.

Thursday - Plan an evening to have sex with one another.  Think about what you will wear, music, soft lights, and make sure there is enough time.  Unplug the phone.

Friday - Gently caress each other with different objects, like a feather, velvet cloth, smooth stone, fir bough, etc.

Saturday - Meet up for a date using ‘fantasy/play’ names for the evening to pick up each other or have a first date.  Make up career/family details.

Sunday - Do a striptease for your partner.

All for now,
The Gottman Institute

Friday, October 14, 2011

Ecstasy in Lovemaking

KUOW Interview Part 2

        So, what's getting in the way when there are couples who've been in a committed relationship for a long time and their sex life is not good? Well, there are a number of things that are getting in the way.  One is that they are afraid to talk about sex.  They are afraid to talk about lust, they are afraid to talk about each other's bodies.  They are also afraid to talk about what sensations they like. 

        They are afraid to talk in part because they worry that their partner may take their desire for conversation as personal criticism, “Oh my God, you mean I’m not a good lover??” which isn't at all what's being conveyed.  What's trying to be said is no, you are a wonderful lover and I want to tell you more about me.  It's not about you; it's about me and my internal world.  What I like, what kinds of touch I love, what kinds of sensation I love, what parts of my body are sensitive.

        When there is no communication about what your partner appreciates, loves, senses, prefers or needs, then it's groping in the dark – it’s guess work.  And, unfortunately we are not the best at guessing.  So, we are going to make mistakes, and those mistakes overtime are going to be compounded. One partner may really shy away from having sex and may feel repelled by it because it's clear that they doesn't understand what the other wants and what they need. 

        This in turn creates rejection because “no” is being said more often, and when a partner is rejected they are going to initiate sex less often, and then you end up with some of the couples who we have seen that haven't made love in a dozen years or more! That's real pain, and it takes a long time to come back from. So talk to your partner. Talk to them this this weekend and get real with your relationship.

Here’s how you do that:

Sex Questions App Giveaway - Round Two!

        For those of you who missed their chance to redeem a copy of our Sex Question App in the iTunes store, here are another 20 free Apps codes for download! Make sure to act quickly since last time they went fast.

        To download your free app, go to the iTunes Store main page. Look under “Quick Links” (found in the upper right corner) and choose the first option, “Redeem”. 
On the "Redeem Code" page enter one of the App codes provided.
 From there, download the App 
and then sink it to your device.

New Sex Questions to Ask Men Redeem Codes:


New Sex Questions to Ask Women Redeem Codes:


        Again, each of these codes can be redeemed only once so if a code doesn’t work that means it has already been used.

        Try talking over some of the questions featured in these apps with your partner this weekend. Remember that getting to know your partner sexually is like learning how to give a good back rub. At first, you might give a back rub like you want to receive one, but as you get to know your partner's preferences over time, you start massaging them in a way that is pleasurable to them. See if you can apply this concept to sex this weekend.

        When you love a lover – that is, when you love somebody that you really know, that you understand, and have a vision of what their inner world is like, then you are able to give them something that is fine-tuned to their own intimate desires. This process does take some time, and remembering the answers that they give is as important as asking the questions, but when you merge your knowledge of your partner together with the sex, then you have the potential for ecstasy in lovemaking.

The Gottman Institute

Thursday, October 13, 2011

Is Love Enough?


        On Tuesday, October 11th, Dr. Gottman was featured live on KUOW 94.9 FM's "The Conversation" with Ross Reynolds to speak about the upcoming Gott Sex Series. In this excerpt from the interview, Dr. Gottman answers a question about whether love is enough in a relationship. He also speaks about the way in which our relationships change and develop overtime; in particular, the importance of emotional connection in maintaining a great sex life with your partner. 

        When two people love eachother, they make a mutual agreement to cherish one another as irreplaceable. They are committed to their companion and dedicated to supporting their needs - both physically and emotionally. Opening the heart through emotional connection allows sex to become more personal and passionate over time as Dr. Gottman explains...