Friday, January 20, 2012

Direct Communication: Reinvigorate Your Relationship

A couple smiles happily in front of a moss covered wall.

Day 3: Ask each other for sex.

        Even in long-term relationships, couples are typically indirect about their amorous feelings. They send out little probes to one another, scouting out if their partner is in the mood. While this roundabout approach prevents bruised egos, never directly asking means never directly rejected, it also prevents a fulfilling sexual relationship. Being more open about sex and creating an environment in which couples feel free to share their desires leads to greater sexual happiness.

        Try to be more direct when you’re in the mood and ask your partner for sex. However, always make sure your partner’s boundaries are the first priority; sex should never be forced on your partner when they don’t want it. Remember low interest is not a personal rejection.

Days 4 and 5 (over the weekend): Develop and agree upon a system for initiating and refusing sex.

        To help foster more open communication about sex, couples often develop their own code words or signals. Dr. Lonnie Barbach suggests that couples talk about sexual interest in terms of a nine-point scale of amorous feelings; a “nine” means you feel extremely lusty whereas you’re not in the mood at all when you’re a “one”. Then one of you can say, “Honey, the kids are asleep and tonight I’m a seven. How about you?” The reply could be a gentle “No, sorry, I’m a two tonight” or “I’ve been a nine all day. Let’s go!” This sort of dialogue helps couples to communicate how they are feeling about sex at the moment without either partner feeling personally denied.

Happy Friday!

J. Fuller
TGI Staff

1 comment:

  1. Good point. A healthy relationship needs to be open enough to ask for sex. If that communication doesn't happen then partners can become distant and isolated. It's all part of having that open communication.


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