Language of Touch

Touch is one of the most basic forms of human connection. It is an important tool in requesting emotional bids and responding to other’s bids in return. To continue this week’s theme on simple resolutions to improve your relationship in 2012, today’s post will help you learn the language of affectionate nonsexual touching and how to speak it with your partner.

Everyone craves affection and the feeling of connectedness with others. Touch creates an emotional bond between people, such as a father kissing his son’s bruised finger or best friends hugging after an extended time apart. In romantic relationships, it can be a nonverbal way to communicate attachment to one another. Psychologist Sidney Jourard studied touch by observing couples dining out in various cities and counted how many times they touched each other over an hour. He found Parisian couples touched each other 115 times during dinner, while the average was 185 times in Mexico City (that’s over three times per minute). On the other hand, couples in London didn’t touch each other at all and Gainesville, Florida faired only slightly better at twice an hour. There’s a reason they don’t call Gainesville the City of Love!

Jourard’s study merely confirms what we already know about American culture; Americans do not like to touch. We leave an empty seat in the movie theater, warn our children to keep their hands to themselves, and avoid public displays of affection when out to dinner with our partners.  This hands-off culture is not doing dating Americans any favors. One researcher found a woman’s touch was a powerful courtship tool. A woman’s use of touch was proven to be significantly more influential in attracting men than her physical appearance. Unfortunately, an absence of touching in public often reflects little physical intimacy in private.

This year, resolve to affectionately touch your partner every day. Touch will help your significant other feel more desirable, more cherished, and more emotionally connected to you. Touching does not have to be over the top; the Parisian couple did not exchange 115 passionate kisses over dinner. Rather, a gentle touch on the arm or a caress of the cheek conveys the message that “I want you”. Touch is just one of the many ways we can express the three As for one another: affection, appreciation, and admiration.

Why not end today by giving each other a fifteen minute deep massage? It will help you both relax after a long day and affectionate touching will build emotional intimacy. And what if your massage leads to something more? That’s not a bad way to start off the New Year.


Have a great week, 
J. Fuller
TGI Staff