Sunday, January 15, 2012

Shared Common Goals: Weekend Homework Assignment

Couple playfully sleds down a snowy hill on old wood sleds.
        Hope that you are enjoying your weekend! We’re two weeks into the New Year; how are you feeling? How are your New Year’s Resolutions coming along? Unfortunately, twenty percent of people who made New Year’s Resolutions regarding health and fitness will have quit their diet and exercise programs by now and over half will give up by the end of the month. Similar statistics hold true for quitting smoking, better money management, and other big lifestyle adjustments. Making changes is hard and what seemed like a reasonable goal January 1st now looks like an impossible task. Discouragement, setbacks, and lack of confidence in their own ability to change are why many hit the snooze button this morning instead of hitting the gym.

        Luckily, setting and keeping relationship goals doesn’t have to be this hard. Shared goals can be bedrock for relationships; they can give us a purposeful pathway that enriches our lives with meaning. Partners can offer encouragement to each other while building confidence. They pull each other out of “resolution ruts” and back on the path to a better relationship. The key to this successful support system is shared common goals. To find out if you and your partner are on the same page, sit down together this weekend and answer the following questions:

  1. How can we keep or bring back the fun in our relationship? 
  2. How will we spend more quality time together? 
  3. How can we build intimacy, both sexually and non-sexually? 
  4. How open are we to trying new things in bed? 
  5. How will we let each other know about our sexual needs? 
  6. How will we handle jealousy, resentment, or competition toward one another? 
  7. How will we handle fights and bring them to a healthy resolution? 
  8. How will we communicate and "check-in" with each other daily? 
  9. What is the most important thing to us about our relationship? 
  10. What is something we can both do to improve our relationship?

A couple discusses their goals while sitting on the couch.

        If over half your answers match your partner’s, you share many common goals and are looking to get the same things out of your relationship. You’re on the right track to accomplishing your relationship goals together this year.

        If less than half your answers match your partner’s, you could use more dialogue. Which areas do you agree with and which areas do you disagree with? Can you form a compromise on the areas of different opinion? Most importantly, reread Question #10 with your partner. Find one aspect of your relationship where you and your partner share similar goals and discuss how you can both work toward it this year.

        Dr.Stephen Covey said, “If you don’t know where you’re headed, it doesn’t help to try to go there any faster.” Before embarking on this year long journey to a better relationship, make sure you and your partner agree on the same course. Together you can take small daily steps to improve your sex life, build intimacy, and strengthen your relationship.

Until next week,
J. Fuller
TGI Staff

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