Marina Edelman, MA, MFT is a Marriage and Family Therapist in private practice in Westlake Village, CA and is a member of CAMFT. Marina gained her master’s degree in psychology from Phillips Graduate Institute. She has been featured in broadcast, print and as a speaker on mental health topics. Marina has expertise in resolving intimacy and relationship problems. You can learn more about Marina Edelman, MA, MFT and her practice at www.marinaedelman.com.
Increasing Sexual Intimacy
By Marina Edelman, MASexual intimacy differentiates couples from roommates. Majority of couples want a healthy satisfying sex life but are not sure how to achieve it. To keep intimacy alive it must be a priority, which means your partner must be given the same amount, or more, of attention as a friend.
1. Explicit talk. The simple act of sending a sweet text message or complimenting your lover can send blood rushing into the genitals. Not only does it build anticipation, but will also keep your partner thinking about you all day.
2. Switch gears after work or after parenting responsibilities. If you work outside the home use your drive to shift your mindset from employee to lover. This could be achieved by listening to calming music or visualizing your work day being filed away and your ‘love’ file being extracted. If you work inside the home, spend 15 minutes prior to your partners arrival home by taking a deep breath and concentrating on yourself as an adult as opposed to a caregiver, for example. This can be achieved by freshening up or pouring a beverage and reviewing a magazine. Whatever ritual you choose it should highlight your role as a lover/partner.
3. Greet each other as if a friend walked in through the door. Put down the phone, the baby (in a safe place), the bills, etc and great each other. This can be with a hug, kiss or genuine interest in the form of questions. Allow yourself time to think about your partner in a sensual way during this exchange.
4. Make time to be intimate. Many couples are under so much pressure that they are exhausted by the time they crawl into the bedroom. If you have enough energy to go through your bedtime ritual then you have enough energy to make love. It doesn’t have to be a theatrical performance all the time. Even a quick connection is better then nothing.
5. Do something sensual. Taking the time out to do things for your lover that shows that you care and spices things up. Plan to go to a favorite restaurant, run a simple errand or create a romantic dinner together. These unexpected small acts can actually form deeper bonds.