Magic Five Hours

        When Drs. John and Julie Gottman followed up on couples who attended their couples’s workshops, they found the couples who continued to improve their marriage had not dramatically changed their lifestyle. In fact, they discovered successful couples were only devoting an extra five hours a week to their relationship. Although each couple had their own style of spending their extra five hours, some clear patterns emerged. Generally these couples were giving their marriage a concentrated refresher course in the Seven Principles (found in John Gottman’s guide The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work). Their approach works so phenomenally well that it has been coined the Magic Five Hours. Here's how you can do it, too:

Partings. Make sure that before you say good-bye in the morning you’ve learned about one thing that is happening your partner’s life that day—from lunch with a childhood friend to an important meeting with the boss or a doctor’s appointment.
        Time: 2 minutes a day x 5 working days
        Total: 10 minutes

Reunions. Be sure to engage in a stress-reducing conversation at the end of each workday.
        Time: 20 minutes a day x 5 working days
        Total: 1 hour 40 minutes

Admiration and appreciation. Find some way every day to communicate genuine affection and appreciation toward your partner. 

        Time: 5 minutes a day x 7 days

        Total: 35 minutes

     
Affection. Kiss, hold, grab, and touch each other during the time you are together. Make sure to kiss before going to sleep. Think of that kiss as a way to let go of any minor irritations that have built up over the day. Lace your kiss with forgiveness and tenderness for your partner.
        Time: 5 minutes a day x 7 days
        Total: 35 minutes

Weekly date. This can be a relaxing, low-pressure way to stay connected. Ask each other questions that let you update your love maps and turn toward each other. Think of questions to ask your partner like “Are you still thinking about retiling the bathroom” “Where should we take our next vacation” or “How are you feeling about your pesky coworker these days?”
        Time: 2 hours once a week
        Total: 2 hours

Grand Total: Five hours!

        The amount of time involved in incorporating these changes into your relationship is minimal. Yet these Magic Five Hours will help enormously in keeping your marriage on track. Working briefly on your marriage every day will increase the health and longevity of your relationship.

       Look forward to our second "Featured Blogger" on Monday, Marina Edelman, MA, MFT. Marina has expertise in resolving intimacy and relationship problems. Her mission is to help couples become successful and happy so that they feel more intimately connected to each other and more fulfilled and alive in their relationships. She provides tools, structure, and education needed to:

• Acquire communication techniques that work so that you feel close and calm, not distant or angry, even when talking about difficult topics 
• Connect more intensely with each other
• Feel more deeply desired and loved by your partner 
• Feel more attracted to your partner again
• Believe that you are your partner's first priority
• Create a plan that breeds intimacy rather than prevents it

Have a great weekend! 
J. Fuller
TGI Staff