Wednesday, March 14, 2012

Continuing the Conversation: Talking During Sex

       
        In addition to nurturing sexual intimacy in your relationship by talking openly about sex, it is just as important to communicate during sex. At first, talking during sex might seem awkward and strange, especially for couples who are uncomfortable talking about sex outside of the bedroom. But have you ever wanted your partner to do something specific while you were having sex, yet were too embarrassed to ask? Did you feel like it would be selfish or that it would hurt your partner’s feelings? Have you ever wanted to ask your partner what they wanted but didn't, just to save face? These are all very common anxieties when it comes to talking during sex. In this post, we are going to help you break down these barriers by giving you specific, targeted phrases to say to your partner during sex that will turn mediocre sex into hot, passionate lovemaking. 

        How often do we share our feelings, ideas, and fantasies during sex? Surprisingly, not that often. In a recent study, researchers Hatfield and Rapson interviewed a large number of married couples about sexual intimacy and found that while both men and women wished their partner would be more brave and tell them exactly what they wanted sexually, these same men and women were reluctant to tell their partners what they wanted. 

        Letting your partner know what you’re thinking and feeling in the bedroom, while you’re making love, especially by paying close attention to their bids to connect emotionally, will enhance the experience for both of you. You will not only get what you want, but you will also have the satisfaction of satisfying your partner in a way that you have never been capable of before. You will be more sexually aroused by your partners heightened arousal – especially because you were the one who caused it. 

        It is important to remember that everyone has different sexual desires and fantasies. What turns one woman on might turn another woman off. That said, there is no 'one size fits all' guide for how to improve the sex in your relationship. The most important aspect of turning towards your partner and talking during sex is listening to them. By entering their inner-most world, you will be able to satisfy them in ways you never thought possible. 

        There is a common misconception that talking during sex is dirty and inappropriate. This could not be further from the truth. By turning towards your partner and talking during sex, we are referring to a method of emotional communication which will increase the intimacy and passion in your lovemaking. By focusing on the emotional instead of the physical, you will actually improve the physical experience without even trying! 

        Here are some examples of phrases you can use to increase your communication during sex. Try ours out, or feel free to use some of your own creation. While this may seem awkward and forced at first, once the initial barrier is broken down you will be able to comfortably communicate with your partner during sex, to tell them exactly what you want and how you want it. 

Romantic Things to Say to a Man During Sex: 

· I could kiss you like this for hours
· You taste so good right here.
· It feels so good being with you this way.
· Feel what my heart does when you touch me like that.
· I want no one but you.
· You are so masculine.
· Nothing pleases me more than touching you here.

Romantic Things to Say to a Woman During Sex: 

· I remember the first time we kissed.
· I love it when you put your head on my chest.
· I love being inside you.
· No one is more beautiful to me than you.
· I love kissing you here.
· Don’t stop what you’re doing.
· I'm going to make you orgasm.

        Try to keep an open mind. Think of talking during sex as just a fun flirty way to give someone instructions. Lack of communication is the only thing coming between you and coming. Over time emotional, not just physical communication is essential to maintaining a satisfying sex-life. It’s a fact of life that people change. Interests, likes, and dislikes are in constant flux - nothing should be assumed. By focusing on each other, and respecting each other as evolving beings in an evolving relationship, passion is much less likely to wane. 

        According to Pepper Schwartz, Ph.D., a well known sociologist and sex expert, couples who communicate openly, in an egalitarian partnership, “share more positions and experiment more…because they have a relationship in which both partners have the power to suggest, innovate, and break out of role expectations.” Talk as much as you play. Talk while you play. By expanding your erotic vocabulary you’ll also be tapping into your erotic imagination—bringing fantasies and previously hidden or unknown aspects of your sexual self to light.


All for now,
M. Fulwiler

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